FestivalSpeak for Prospective Vendors

OK, I admit I'm taking a great deal of this from Behind the Burlap, but I'm altering those that fit my experience best. And reorganizing them into sections, because I'm OCD like that.

Most of you know I've vended at festivals doing henna body art. I always asked the promoters about the conditions of the site, so I could bring the right equipment. If I had only done this list years ago, I might have saved myself from various disasters.

This is not to say that EVERY festival I've attended had problems. Many went off without a hitch, and a good time was had by all. However, things are not always 'as advertised' by the vendor organizer, merchant coordinator, or poor intern who got saddled with the job of setting up a festival on short notice.

So, this is a customary "What they SAY vs. What they MEAN" list of amenities that may occur at any festival site:


FLORA, FAUNA & WEATHER
There are some trees in the park. = One of them is right in front of your 10x10 space.
There is shade. = One tree every 100 feet.
There may be wildlife. = Don't leave your cooler in your tent overnight, the bears will eat it.
There's always a breeze. = Bring rope, stakes, and God help you if you are selling anything made of paper.
It almost never rains. = Bring and/or sell tarps.
It can get cold at night. = Bring a snow shovel to dig out your tent in the morning.

PLACEMENT
It's a great spot! = No one else would take it.
There should be enough room for your tent. = We overbooked the vendor area.
There's LOTS of room for your tent! = At least 6 extra inches on one side.
You're right next to the stage. = Bring earplugs and learn to read lips.
You're near the bathrooms/porta-johns. = Bring fly paper. And a strong stomach.
You're right next to the beer garden. = You get to sell directly to a loud, rude and possibly vomiting customer base.
You're next to the food court. = Some guy selling Cokes and candy bars out of a cooler.
I have a perfect spot for you. - Behind the stage.
Easy drive in. = Your tent faces the main road.
It's level. = Except for the gopher holes.
It's got a little slope. = Bring pallets and blocks to level your entire display.
It's in a beautiful lush green park. = And ALL the sprinklers will turn on at 6 pm.
Camping on site. = But only right behind your booth.
We've upgraded the site from last year. = We added flower beds.
We added flower beds. = Right next to your spot, so expect lots and lots of bees.

STAFF/ORGANIZATION
We are short on volunteers. = Trash cans never get emptied, so bring your own trash bags.
We give discounts for demos. = They spent the WHOLE entertainment budget on one celebrity speaker.
Yeah, sure we advertised the event. = One classified ad in the Thrifty Nickel.
We are taking new vendors. = None came back from last year.
We have a juried list of vendors. = You'll only have 4 other booths selling exactly the same thing you are.
We got 5000 people last year. = Because there happened to be a carnival across the street.
We are trying something new. = Everything else failed last year.
We hired a new fair director. = And your good location goes to her friend, so you get to move. Which you won't find out about until you arrive to set up.
We wont have anyone but you next year. = Please don't bail on us.
We are looking for sponsors. = Last year bombed.
Vendor applications are due on the 15th. = No, wait the 20th...no, wait...just pay at the gate.
It's a new fair. = We have no idea what we're doing.

Opening day of the Colorado Renaissance Festival

So a few days ago I went to the Colorado Renaissance Festival for the first time in a few years. It was two for one pricing, making it $9 to get in, rather than the usual $17.95 (and that is highway robbery!)

We had perfect timing, got close parking, and no wait in line at all. THAT's what leaving at 8 am will get you. Thankfully our designated driver picked up hot caffeinated drinks for us, or the cranky-ness might have been too much to bear. Of course by the time we arrived, the hour and a half drive + coffee had taken a toll on our bladders. And then I remembered how much fun portapotties are in difficult garb.

We dressed ourselves in mostly cavalier clothing, with the exception of one of us who wore a flowy middle eastern ensemble. From this, a few merchants were able to come up with catchy phrases like "Three pirates and a mermaid walk into a bar....and gave us all their gold!!" "Nice boots! Wanna ffffffind out how much you love our nuts?" "Ladies wearing PANTS! For shame on you wanton wenches! Come try on my skirts!" And so on.

I noticed something new about the merchants: many, many of them had "no photography" signs in thier booths. Probably sick of us crafty SCAer's making our own versions of their wares. Don't get me started about the prices of things, I know they have a high booth fee to cover but come ON. One henna booth wanted $17 for a teeny-tiny OM symbol. I mean, that's just bending you over.

But, of course, we shopped (and haggled) anyway. Between all four of us, two fine wooden mugs were purchased, a lovely leather hat, a cast iron teakettle and a copper coin bra, for bellydancing. Oh, and copious amounts of alcohol and food. We stood in the world's slowest mead line, as the Pirate's Pub was both understaffed and under equipped. The ladies...ahem, I mean wenches, that were serving were practically falling out of their tops keeping up with the rush. By noon, they were serving their last bottle of mead, of which we were lucky to get a couple of servings. Huzzah!

We also saw a few shows. The clarion machine bell-player down by the joust was dramatic, and I think my ears are still ringing because we sat too close. Ded Bob was funny as usual, and conveniently located near the main food court, where we were able to purchase the completely NOT medieval delicacy of deep fried macaroni & cheese on a stick. OK, maybe the stick is medieval. Yummy! We tried to see Puke & Snot (there's a new Snot since the original one died last year) but thier act was cut short due to a rainshower. By the way, to the ladies with white chemise tops, rain makes it see-through!! Wear a BRA! My GOD some of these girls have no shame at all. But I digress...

For those not familiar with the high altitude terrain of the site, only about 20% of it is flat. The rest is a hill. I was thirsty often. And you know what? There are NO DRINKING FOUNTAINS anymore. They were dismantled in the last couple of years. Something to do with the huge water bill the festival gets every year. So now you have to BUY expensive bottled water if you don't want to get dehydrated. Or, find the one or two 'flushy' bathrooms with sinks to refill your mug at, because they don't let you bring in water either. Honestly, that's just crap. Water should be free and abundant at hot, high altitude festivals, or there are going to be a ton of medical emergencies. If you don't provide it, people should be able to bring it themselves. Grrrr...cranky, maybe I need another beer instead. It's mostly water anyway...

Now, one of my favorite things to do is people watching. This is doubly fun at a renfair. There were many more people dressed up than I was expecting, but it may have simply been because it was opening day...

For those of you who went in beautiful, authentic garb and patiently posed for photo after photo, thank you. Your dedication to the theme is inspiring. But some of you must have waaay too much free time, or money.

For those of you who went in modern clothes and proceeded to try and 'blend in' with your viking helmet, cutoffs and wife-beater tank top, thank you. Your 6 unruly children are obviously well trained in the art of berserking, too.

For those of you (ladies) that stuffed yourself into a corset five sizes too small, thank you. I never knew you could make a muffin top out of back flesh. I think corsets are like spandex: a privilege, not a right.

For the MANY barbarians, goreans and cavemen, thank you. How any of these costumes fit into a renaissance, I don't know, but your grunting, rawrring and quoting of "what is best in life" never really gets old. And Conan the Librarian, you are too funny. The big glasses really complete your look. I think some of you need to wash your leathers though. I could smell some of you from a great distance. Or maybe I was just downwind of the stables.

For all the pirates, rogues and cavaliers that spent most of thier time around the Pirate's Pub, thank you. This last bastion of bawdiness is made much more fun by the constant AAARRRRRRing and jokes about your pegleg. And sooo many Jack Sparrows. I probably couldn't have thrown a belaying pin in there without hitting at least two.

For the two or three guys dressed as video game characters, you made me feel like MUCH less of a geek, thank you. Especially Link. You should really get some real tights and not wear your mother's pantyhose though.

All in all, a great day of seeing old friends, drinking and eating things you KNOW are horrible for you, and having all this material for mockery. Kind of makes me want to go back. Except for that hefty entrance fee...

The Renfair approacheth, just in time for a sanity check.

What the...it's JUNE already??!! Where did the spring go?

Oh, right. I've been busy gardening, weeding, planting and other dirty yard work. And getting medieval on the gopher colony in my yard. How does one get medieval on a gopher? I'm glad you asked.

Their mounds, as they appear, are opened and flooded with my trusty +3 (to gopher slaying) garden hose. I wish I could use boiling oil, but that stuff's not cheap. I've poured out buckets of the foul-smelling pepper powder barrier, to no avail. The traps (as much as they look like medieval torture devices) have failed to trap even one gopher. Lately, I've been wandering around the backyard at night like a village idiot, trampling their tunnels and stomping the earth to drive them out. There must be an entire underground city under my house, and they just keep sending up reinforcements...or maybe they're zombie gophers and just can't be killed...

Thankfully, a close friend called yesterday and broke me from my reverie.

Her: "Want to go to the Renaissance Fair? Opening weekend? It's two for one..."
Me: "RenFair already? What month is it?"
Her: "June."
Me: "Wow, somehow I'm still in May."
Her: "Do you have fresh dirt under your fingernails?"
Me: "What? Uh....yeah...why?"
Her: "You need an intervention, you know."
Me: " WHAT?"
Her: "Remember your other life? The one with the costumes? The fencing? How long has it been since you've even BEEN to the Renfair?"
Me: "Uhh, three or four years?"
Her: "And you call yourself an anachronist? Pah."
Me: "Touché."
Her: "We're going in costume. You ARE wearing one. And I'll drive. You have no excuse."
Me: "But-"
Her: "Your garden will be FINE without you for a whole eight hours."

Today I can write about this and laugh. Yesterday I was stressed at how much I think I still have to do outside with more planting, building trellises, cages, and supports, setting up row covers and of course keeping the zombie gophers at bay, and then I realized I really REALLY need this excursion as a sanity check. I never knew I could catch obsessive compulsive disorder from gardening.

Summer's coming, that means Renaissance Faires!

Yeah, I know, for those of you who live in Southern California or Arizona, you've already had your fill of jugglers, gypsies and pickle-sellers, but those of us in colder climes are just getting warmed up for our yearly dose of frivolous fun from the renaissance ages.

If you've got the time, why not sit a spell and watch this hour long documentary: "Renny - A Festival Way of Life." You'll learn stories behind the stories, how performers got their start, and what really goes on behind the curtains, after the crowds leave...and you may even see a few familiar faces, because many of these Rennies travel from Fair to Fair, all over the country.



Our local Colorado Renaissance Festival doesn't start til mid-June, so there's still time to get a good costume together if you are lacking in that department. Or, just show up in modern clothes and buy something beautiful from the merchants. Every dime you spend at the RenFair supports the lifestyle of these crazy rennies!

To think, when I was a teen, going to King Richard's Faire, I could have gone down this road so easily...I think I told my mom in a fit of teenage angst that I was going to run away and join the RenFair.

She said, "Honey, you're a walking RenFair already. No need to go chasing it when it's inside you." Smart mom.

Tewkesbury Medieval Festival

Imagine being able to hold a medieval festival right on top of the site where the original battle happened! This year marks the 25th anniversary of the Tewkesbury Medieval Festival.

I don't suppose I'd be able to convince all my readers that I need donations to attend? Purely for educational purposes...

Ye Old Times - movie pre-review!

Forsooth and Huzzah! Some of you may know of my 'fanboy' attitude towards Jack Black. I really do think he's John Belushi's comedic heir. He satisfies my thirst for silly, yet vulgar comedy. I'm pretty sure he's part muppet, too. Which makes him a literal 'jester' in my book.

He has come one step closer to my dream ( Jack Black joins the SCA ) with the upcoming movie, "Ye Old Times". I don't know when this movie about "two rival fairs vying for ownership of all things Middle Ages" will be shown in theaters, but I'm hoping that he'll do some character marketing.

Both Cinematical and the British Empire magazine have pondered the humorous possibilities of this new movie. But it's not JUST Jack Black. Looking at the rest of the cast finds even more treasure!

Tim Robbins, Will Arnett, Cary Elwes and a cameo by John C. Reilly....oh, man. I can't help but speculate. Cary Elwes. That's Wesley from The Princess Bride. I can sooo see him in the role of the old creepy elf dude in the velvet cape who still thinks he's the hottie of the RenFair.

And Tim Robbins either should be King of the Faire or a sensitive viking. Yes. God. Please. The pool of inside jokes and one liners from those two actors alone could carry the whole movie.

This is pure speculation. I have no idea what roles anyone has, save Jack himself as Professor Shockworthy -- the movie's narrator who tutors some "romantically entwined characters in the mysterious ways of love."

I welcome Ye Old Times! I shall bring my band of merry men and descend upon my local theater with mirth and magic! And maybe elf ears...

Renaissance Festival documentary trailer

What with spring approaching soon, Renaissance Festivals all over the country shall soon be opening their wooden gates to all good gentles wishing to partake in the fantasy and frivolity that is the "RenFair" lifestyle.

This preview of a video documentary from Hate City Productions shows that "Rennies" are just like normal people - they have a need for supportive community, like to do what they love for work, and wear costumes on a regular basis. Oh, wait, that costume part isn't really normal is it? Especially not if you are a centaur...yeah, that would be a difficult outfit to explain to Bob in accounting...



Maybe you'd prefer musical interpretation of the Renaissance Festival? Known only as the "Pirate Comedy Show" this talented group of performers has a different idea of what it's all about...

Under the Scotsman's Kilt

The very first time I heard "Under the Scotsman's Kilt" I was 16 at a Renaissance fair. Such risque material only furthered my desire to keep coming back to the Renfair, and eventually my elf persona was born.

Yes, I was once an elf. Not in the Christmas kind of way, either. The latex ears kind. Which made this video all the more funny to me. Because now I'm playing World of Warcraft (as an elf, naturally!) and someone's gone and made a machinima of the very song that lured me into the Renfair scene. Oh, the irony....



By the way, Happy Holidays! I'm going to go drink some egg nog now.

Changes to Anachronista

Apparently, I'm never, ever going to be done tinkering with my blog. There's a new section on the upper right called "Places to Go" which have direct links to many of the other pages that I keep online. The first is DarbukaGirl, which will take you to my channel on YouTube. Yes, I have my own channel. Frightening, isn't it? Here you can view not only the videos that I've uploaded, but also all of my playlists and favorites, too. Please keep in mind that YouTube is not child safe - you are literally three clicks away from hell.

The next new link is My Amazon Store! Yes. I've gone and sold out. If you plan on shopping with Amazon, do me a favor and jump into their website through my store. Then I will receive a commission. Which I will then turn around and spend on MORE BOOKS. See? You are helping me stay educated.

Last, but not least is the link called MySpace SCA Group, which should be pretty self-explanatory. This group has over 3000 members! That's about 10% of the paid membership that the SCA can verify. You can read any message or bulletin on this group if you do not have a MySpace account, but any further actions require you to sign up. But don't worry, it's free!

Also, you'll see that I've changed all of the products I'm offering through Art.com. Again, if you are planning on shopping at Art.com, please jump to their store through one of my image links, and I'll end up with a commission from the sale.

Every little bit helps. The more cash I can bring in right now, the likelier it is I'll be able to go to the big expensive events like Estrella and Pennsic.

Ok, onto less 'self promotion'. I shall NOT be attending Outlands Crown Tournament this weekend, as I have to work and visit family. Until I get that cloning booth perfected, I won't be able to do more than one thing at one time.

Here's something very weird I found online the other day. Just when I thought the Renaissance Faire thing had been done to death, along comes All-Star Cruises and Travel with three upcoming Renaissance Festival cruises. Who ever thought of mixing a RenFair with a cruise? It's either going to be very fun, or very awkward. I mean, you can't get away from the creepy guy in a nylon cape if you are all on the same boat together!! Then again, the pirate possiblities are endless...

And because I can't end a post without adding video, here's one of the latest I've uploaded to DabukaGirl. It's an old Saltanah performance at the Mercury Cafe in Denver.



What a GREAT dancer, huh? Ooohh, do I ever need to workout.

Pirates of the Caribbean was horrible!

Yes, I said it. Pirates of the Caribbean - Dead Man's Chest was horrible. I had such high hopes for this flick. It in NO WAY compares with the first one. Terrible sequel.

How could I fly in the face of so many 'good' movie reviews? Just Ask-a-Ninja!!



I agree with everything he said. I mean, he's a NINJA. Aren't they always right?

In other news, it looks like the Colorado Renaissance Festival will maintain operations at the current site for another ten years. There's just one more weekend of the festival, so if you've got a craving for deep fried macaroni and cheese on a stick while you watch the joust, head on down to Larkspur before they board up the entrance gates for the year.

For the gamers out there, I've come across a handy site with Inspirational Posters made just for you! Though it is not quite kid-safe, RPG Motivational Posters has something for everyone - even a 20th level Paladin!

You said it, Trogdor!

Making a Living in Second Life

While some of you may know about the lay-offs I've experienced in the past year, some may not. Suffice to say I'm looking at creative ways to make money without handing over my soul in return. I've talked for a long time about opening a store, and I'm taking some baby steps towards this real life goal.

But what about my virtual life? I've been playing Second Life for quite some time, and I've made a few Lindens here and there, but that is NOTHING compared to the folks in this article by WIRED Magazine.

I've met a great many cool people in Second Life, but I've never run across "Second Life's most famous landowner, Anshe Chung, who reportedly makes more than $150,000 a year in the virtual world." My God. A tenth of that would set me up for a long time.

Anshe Chung Wikipedia entry
Anshe Chung Ebay listing

WOW. Did you read the Ebay listing? If you buy the land, you even get a Virtual date with her. What kills me is that someone actually bid nearly $1,500. You know what I could DO with $1,500?? In REAL LIFE??

Sigh.

I suspect that my programming and scripting skills are not really fast enough to be able to make a virtual job work well. Some of the builders in Second Life seem to create their goods as if by magic. It all goes way over my head.

I looked into creating a "Virtual SCA Barony Sim" a while back, and even asked an acquaintance of mine (who was president of the SCA at the time) whether she thought it could work or not. The response I got was lukewarm at best, and that the SCA Inc would not be able to back it or condone it.

Maybe I should just start a Renaissance Faire Sim. Then we could have virtual turkey legs, virtual jousting and virtual bad accents! Hell, I'd even set up a "Virtual Vegetable Justice" booth.

As long as I could get Anshe to sit there and let me throw tomoatoes at her.

But I'm not jealous.

Really.

Colorado Renaissance Festival's Water Woes

Looks like the town of Larkspur just isn't going to give up it's fight for water fees. Well, maybe within the next couple of years, there will be a new location for the RenFaire. One without hills would be nice...

Wether they move or not, the rumors are having an effect already. Many merchants are considering dropping this Faire from their schedule. (at an $8000 booth fee for eight weeks, I can certainly understand why...) I fear that too many of the 'good' merchants will bail out, leaving us with imported cheap swords from China as our only shopping option. I don't pay $16 just so I can eat an overcooked turkey leg.

If this Faire moves too far north, it risks competing with Medieval World. If they ever get off the ground, that is.

RenFair Performer Awards 2005

It's about time the talented performers at Renaissance Faires have their own award. RenaissanceFestivalMusic.com (which also Podcasts RenFair Music if you happen to be into that sort of new technology) has gotten a bunch of different acts to submit their music and you can vote for your favorite.

Looks like this year they've only got Irish and Celtic, but I expect this will grow a bit beyond that in the years to come. I look forward to the day when this is televised, and we get to see celebrities mingling with people like Ded Bob.

I wonder what they will call the award? Like "Grammy" or "Emmy"? Maybe it should be called a "Fairy". Oh, that would be waaaay too easy now, wouldn't it?

Larkspur Renaissance Festival to move

Well, sorry about the lack of posts lately. Still recuperating from my birthday. Yeah. Right. My lack of online time wouldn't have anything to do with a certain new fencer. Nope.

Ahem. On to the local news.

Seems as if the rumors about the Colorado Renaissance Festival moving out of Larkspur may indeed be true. What will happen to all the permanent buildings? Will they strap them all to a flatbed and haul them down the road? Unlikely.

Chances are good that the individual building owners will be responsible for all costs incurred of moving their booths to the new site. I have a feeling the Faire is going to lose some quality merchants over this.

Goodbye traditional blacksmith... hello cheap plastic swords!

Renfair and Rogue Camp

As you all may know, I've been without an internet connection since pretty much mid May. I've been forced back into the dark ages of dial-up, and only able to communicate reliably by cellphone. Oh, the humanity.

I haven't let that mess up my social calender too badly (though I know I've missed a few invitations to various events that were emailed at the last minute) and I am still planning on making it to the Renfair one more time before she closes up her lusty wooden gates for the season. So if anyone isn't already busy this Sunday the 24th, I'll be there. Probably somewhere near the Pirates Pub. Come sample the deep fried macaroni and cheese with me. It's good, I swear!

The following weekend, I'll be up at the island for Rogue Camp. If you are invited, I hope to see you there. I'll be camped at the crossroads, defending the bridge from marauding fairies. And small biting insects. I was just up there for a day trip recently, and it was pretty buggy. Bring the skeeter spray.

It just MIGHT be hot enough this year for me to get in the swimming hole, too!!

Got Filk?

Filk is a genre that I only discovered by accident, while at a RenFaire long ago. I heard a wandering minstrel singing some Beatles song, only it definitely wasn't their lyrics. Someone had re-written the song to be about buxom wenches or something.

WOW! Now this is music I can really appreciate. I love parody. No, really, I love it. There needs to be more humor in music. The SCA is a breeding ground for Filk, most of which can only be heard around a fire. Most of us learn them by memory, (which is easy because they are based on popular songs) but a few inspired musicians have recorded their filks for your listening pleasure.

**RTM, are you listening? Dude, you really need a website with your CD and lyrics. Like NOW. You funny man.

Anyway, here's a few links for your filking pleasure. Man, it's even funny to say it.

If I had a Million Ducats

Crazy Knights

Fairytale of Middle Earth

We are the Knights of NI!

Living in a Fantasy World (Lord of the Rings Medley)

My Name is Arwen

Rogue

(Vikings Are) Unwanted Dead or Alive

In Camelot!

This Book Is Way Too Long (Lord Of The Rings Trilogy)

You can pretty much take ANY song and give it a medieval/SCA/LOTR makeover.

I would have included some Star trek ones, but I think that Blogger has limits on the amount of data I'm allowed to post.