Movie review: 1612

In early October, I posted the 1612 trailer on this blog, and uttered one line about it: "When and how can I see this movie in English?" - because I thought the story would make zero sense without fluency in Russian or Polish.

I caved. I could not hold out any longer. I watched it without any subtitles.

Well, my understanding of Russian ends at Nostrovia, but if you pay attention, you can still 'get' a great deal of this movie as it is both acted really well, and the context of the scenes make sense. It seems to have been passed through the "300" filter too, with the camera work and effects. And there's just buckets of blood. If you've never seen a mass of mounted winged hussar running down peasantry, you've not lived! Plus, it is a fine resource for costumes and armor.

There is a continual theme of the unicorn, which is critical to the story somehow. Pieces of horn seem to be used as talismans, and a softly lit white one with really ridiculously long hair keeps showing up throughout the movie. I was half expecting the movie to derail into fantasy-land; I almost had a "Legend" moment.

But let me tell you about the Cavalier! He is conspicuously absent in the trailer, though his clothing can be seen on the main character, who has assumed his identity. The first time you see him, The Cavalier is playing at dice on a boat that is being pulled along the shore by a group of haggard slaves. This portion of the movie, being in Spanish, was slightly easier to translate. It is here we learn he probably cheats at dice and has a reputation for killing.

Two words. Doublet envy.

In an effort not to spoil the plot, I will say that the Cavalier ends up teaching the main character swordplay. Using his sword to draw a glowing blue fencing circle on the ground was a nice touch.

And because of this movie, I want to make a flipbook of some of the old renaissance fencing manuals...now THAT seems like a great way to learn the Spanish Circle from a dead guy.

Confusing enough? Yeah, I really need to find someone both qualified and interested in translating this movie.

Digital Agrippa

Inigo Montoya: You are using Bonetti's Defense against me, ah?
Man in Black: I thought it fitting, considering the rocky terrain.
Inigo Montoya: Naturally, you must suspect me to attack with Capo Ferro?
Man in Black: Naturally... but I find that Thibault cancels out Capo Ferro. Don't you?
Inigo Montoya: Unless the enemy has studied his Agrippa... which I have!

You too can study your Agrippa, and be ready the next time some masked fencer scrambles up a cliff after you. Here's another period fencing manual made PDF by the glory of technology (and the efforts of William Wilson). Click the 'full screen' icon next to the print icon for the best view.

"Fyne Goods - Bad Humor" is open for business!

Since lots of people keep telling me I'm darn funny, I'm inclined to start believing them. So why not make some money off my ideas? Hence, the creation of Fyne Goods - Bad Humor. Which you can now access through a convenient permanent link over there on the top left column. I know there's only one item in there, but I guarantee there are many more to come.

This post marks the first phase of blatant self promotion. I'm hanging my hat out to see if anyone throws money in.

Phase two involves an army of minions papering all the privvies at Estrella War with my propaganda...uh... I mean... announcements. Right. Hmmm.... I'd better order some more duct tape...

I'm really just getting over the fear of the major time commitment that it would take to put my crazy ideas up for sale. Now little by little, they are escaping onto the internet...

...here's what the world is in for:

Cavalier needs ale badly
by
anachronista

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Mayday! Mayday! Oh, wait..... Beltane! Beltane!

It's hard to believe I started studying Celtic culture way back in 1990. Funny what stays with you. I remember my teacher telling us not to 'get frisky' on May Day or face the consequences.

Not that I'm normally a superstitious person, but today is Beltane and the Druids had some powerful mojo. The Celtic feast of Beltane is all about fertility, which is why I am staying home alone tonight, with no male company. I have learned to never tinker with the pagan Gods, for they are tricksy!

Smart guys, the Druids. If one were to celebrate the Beltane fires with a little physical intimacy, and one happened to become pregnant from the festivities, you've got a perfectly timed due date that should fall very near Imbolc on February 1st. In the event that the mother dies in childbirth, the babe would have a much higher chance of survival, as the female livestock would be producing milk for their own young as well. Not to mention the weather has shifted from the long dark winter temperatures to the blustery but warmer beginnings of spring.

But if she did survive the birth, Beltane rolls around again after three months. The new mother has presumably regained her strength, probably wants a break from the new baby, and is undoubtedly 'randy' following a winter cooped up with her swollen belly. That's a pretty decent population machine, and it keeps the gene pool from stagnating.

OK, enough Celtic history and baby-talk.

Check out this Medieval Marathon Runner who finished the London Marathon 8 DAYS LATE. Granted, I appreciate that he was raising money for a childrens' leukemia charity, but SERIOUSLY. Plate Mail?? He could've finished the same day if he had gone cavalier...

And speaking of cavalier, I simply cannot resist reposting a wonderful bit of humor from the OutlandsRapier Yahoo Group that came up today. Here is the entire thing, in case you are too lazy to join the list to read it:

Top 10 Reasons For Being A Musketeer

10. Spiffy tabard doubles as duvet cover.
9. Takes the sting out of being French.
8. No bag limit on the Cardinals Guard.
7. Fleur De Lys envy.
6. Screw swords, we've got guns.
5. Pick up spare change posing for candy bar wrappers.
4. Lifetime membership at la Rochelle Bed & Breakfast Club.
3. Two words: Annette Funicello! (Ooops, sorry that's Mouseketeers)
2. All for One and One for All, applies to wenches.

and the number one reason....
1. The Queen's diamond studs (if you know what I mean ;) )

Compiled by:
Baron Haakon Haakerson (Patron Saint of geese & gambling)
and Don~a Bianca Isabel d'Orsin

Cavalier boots

Here is a review I did for RenBoots.com last year. I thought I should resurrect it and post it here for your enjoyment.

We all love boots. Especially nice, tall leather boots. Very dashing.

We also love NOT spending $400 on our feet. Not that these guys who make the $400 boots don't make a great product, but they are simply not affordable for most of us.

For much less than $400, if you want to complete your cavalier costume, or simply have something to protect your legs from the bushes and mud found at most primitive event sites, RenBoots are for you. I purchased mine well over a year ago, and I've been fencing and tromping all over really rustic sites (with cactus) the whole time and they haven't blown out yet.

Of course, I got the 'entry level' boot for $105, called Prince John, and it DOES have a zipper (for all you period nazis) or lace-up grommets on the inside of the ankle. When this pair of boots finally does succumb to the harsh grounds of the Outlands, I will definitely contact these guys again for my next pair, which I'm hoping will be the Knight version with vibram soles for $300. Sexy!